Talking to Strangers

Although it has been some time since reading the book, it was interesting that I've been talking to people about taking the time to notice and acknowledge people we don't know. I've reviewed some other people's comments about the content of the book and have included it here. "Acknowledging and being acknowledged by strangers does more than give us a simple way to briefly connect with people. It reassures us at a deeper level that we are accepted, that we are seen and that we have value." "Being respected by important people in our lives growing up teaches us how to be respectful toward others. Respect means that you accept somebody for who they are, even when they're different from you or you don't agree with them. Respect in your relationships builds feelings of trust, safety, and wellbeing." I try to make sure that I "contact" another person (stranger) every day by talking with them, being curious and interested in them and at times "catching them doing something good". I think this is incredibly important especially nos. PS. Thank you for the opportunity to learn through Select Books.

I really enjoyed this book and especially liked the historical stories. Very thought provoking.

Thoroughly enjoyed Malcolm Gladwell's storytelling in this book. It was a very thought-provoking and intriguing read.

Really enjoyed reading this book. It build my awareness about how the context, transparency, inbuilt biases all influence how we interact with folks different from us.

Terrific Book! We are so often told to “trust our gut”. Gladwell proves that isn’t always the best option when data says otherwise. Trusting our gut can lead to errors in judgement as well as just plain old judgement about a situation, group, or an individual. The book is easy to read, engaging, and has the possibility of making the world a better place if we learn to take the extra time to truly listen and understand people and the available data.

So insightful

Book was well written. Really changes your perspective on how you view people.

I was initially mislead by the title. As someone who is extremely introverted, I need all the help in the world talking to strangers. But in this book, we learn that strangers have their own stories and we can learn a lot from their interactions with others. You never know everything about the person you're talking to whether they're a close friend or absolute stranger, but their back story is much more complicated than idle chat while waiting in a coffee line. How would you interact with them if you knew their story or not? Just because a person is famous and you know what the media has told you, doesn't mean that you know everything about that person. They're still essentially a stranger.

I had been recommended this book before and I am glad I finally got around to reading it!

Malcolm Gladwell… always love his work. Easy to read, uses credible sources, information is valuable. Loved it!

I recently read Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell. I have read books of his previously and really like his easy style and down to earth examples. This book was just as good. I have always been an introvert and talking to strangers was the last thing I wanted learn, but also something I needed to learn. This book contained several insights, practical advice, and even the why of the matter. I would highly recommend it.

I always enjoy reading Malcolm Gladwell; he's one of my favorites. I specifically appreciated the case studies and the story-telling. I learned more about history and historical figures than I expected, which was a bonus. Found some parallels between this book and Dan Pink's "The Power of Regret."

Gold by Malcom Gladwell! Powerful read to share with new protégés and leaders alike as they connect across differences.

Very good book about how to talk to people you don’t know and how to initiate conversation

This is the first book by Gladwell I have read and I chose it because I had heard of his use of storytelling, and I found this to be helpful in digesting the content but also in finding his overall thesis. I would recommend anyone who regularly encounters challenges in interrupting systemic and direct racism or rape culture to read this because it can highlight the ways our direct interactions result in miscommunication or misinterpretation. I feel that one can also identify real world stories to help facilitate a discussion with others about their own communication. I believe while this book touches on the impact of bias in communication, I feel that there is bias also in the authors perspectives which at times, made me see the rest of his thesis as challenging to accept.

Malcom Gladwell is a favorite! Interesting topic.

Good info on how to interact with new people

Malcolm Gladwell's books are always full of information I didn't know. I really enjoyed this book about stranger statistics. In an era where our homes and communities are more crowded than ever - and people are scared of disease transmission and random acts of violence - it was fascinating to read about the real risk for many of our fears. No spoilers here :)

Very enlightening, particularly useful today.

My take away is simply that it takes more than just "knowing" someone..we have to know "of" them..good read..very interesting perspectives.

insightful and a little disturbing (in a good way)

disturbing and insightful.

I was surprised by this book not realizing there would be so many case studies and explanations of flawed perceptions, tendencies, and ways of thinking that actually contribute to social problems and injustices. Sorry this took so long, I just found I wanted to absorb each section taking breaks between them. I believe I have gained knowledge and additional ways of thinking about meeting strangers, policing, sentencing, and importance of place.

Not as good as his other books. Interesting read though.

interesting and mind boggling at some points.

This book was very captivating. It really talked about why humans believe the lies that other humans tell us. It is all from a science based perspective but told from a narrative lens that really is engaging. Talks about the jobs judges have in assessing guilt or innocence and how a computer does a much better job. He talked about Bernie Madoff, Hilter, Ana Montes the Cuban Spy and why they all were believed for so long. A great read and story about human psychology.

So how do you assess an encounter with a "stranger?" Through fascinating case studies and research findings, this book is a guide to revealing our preconceptions and assumptions about such encounters. When there is such a constant rush and urgency to size up someone or come to an immediate resolution, it's good to take a step back and pause. After reading this book, you will definitely look at your encounters with (hopefully) more awareness!

Read this book after hearing an interview with Malcolm Gladwell. Really enjoyed this book and now, love listening to his podcast!

Very interesting book! I went into it thinking it would be instructional, but it actually is about insights into interactions between people that go terribly wrong or are not quite what they seem. It took me a couple of chapters to get into and after that I was hooked.

This book is a hard read. I was captivated and disturbed at the same time. The thing I was perhaps disappointed with is the subject matter did not follow the lighthearted almost comical introduction.

This book is intriguing. It really begs the question of understanding why we give the benefit of the doubt. How we choose to believe someone vs. engage in conflict and disagree, even if we see red flags and concerning behavior. This is not a book I would normally read, but I would recommend.

I appreciated this Gladwell book. I can not stop thinking about how concepts - like coupling - impact our social settings and how not considering systems thinking creates barriers in collaboration and understanding each other. It is essential we take time to learn HOW to talk with each other and "Talking to Strangers" provides examples for how we stop our own understanding of humanit.

Appropriate for the times

The book is good, and interesting. It is just to heavy of a read for a book club to discuss it.

This book was a bit of an eye opener. Amazing to think how confident society is in relying on professionals to be our decision makers, and then finding out they are no more reliable than perhaps we would be. Or how judgmental humans are with nothing more to go on than a feeling, or a reaction that is deemed "not normal". Rules are made/broken on human fallibility daily. Not an easy read for those that are a bit self searchers.

Very interesting book and I would say the collection of stories are more disturbing than anticipated. I was hoping I'd get more take-away information from this book that I could put into practice and that is not the case. Definitely learned a lot from this book and was full of factual details about crimes/stories I've seen on the news over the years and others I had no knowledge of initially. Would recommend this book to others however I don't think it encompasses the "important read for those working to forge conversations and collaboration across differences in our state." as mentioned in the description.

This book has the potential to be a strong book but it just stays on the depressive side, without balance. Instead of enlightening you on talking to strangers and learning to trust others despite differences, it just solidifies distrust and makes you question everyone.

I enjoyed the real life interaction stories.

Interesting, yet misleading book about human communication. There are some parts that are very well written and speak to things from non verbal communication to waterboarding during Desert Storm.

I love the way Malcolm Gladwell writes. He writes about complicated subjects and explains them with in-depth research theories but in a relatable and engaging way. "Talking to Strangers: What We Should Know about the People We Don't Know" follows this style. There were many interesting lessons to learn from this book. Compared to other Gladwell books, I found this subject matter harder to emotionally deal with. Some of the stories included are very emotional and challenging to our views as a society. I would recommend this book.

The book is basically about if we can judge strangers by presenting many cases in history (traffic arrest/suicide, drunken rape case, Knox trial...), and I'm finding the book isn't what I expected. It is well written and can be pretty informative to a point but much what is written is well known to many anyway. I was perplexed why he would say those who want to commit suicide would if the right time, ideal came about or they may not. I'm not sure what the book is about other then stories, a bit biased in areas and some alarmingly minimized by the author (such as the frat party and women drinking vs assaults), and well, it's just not his normal work and wish I didn't read it for it changed my view of him from a good author to offensive.

I was skeptical at first because it was suggested at work. I ended up hooked and love how it opens a mind up to other possibilities. It helped show me how the world has its own bias and nothing is ever black and white.

Very lovely to have. Has many concepts I had not given previous attention or thought to.

Great read! What you think you know about who you are talking to isn't always the case...kind of mind blowing

I found this book to be intriguing and have continued thinking about it even after finishing it a week later. The author uses storytelling and examples to make his points. The summary of the book is that strangers are complex and that we have no idea whether or not they're lying or telling the truth. I am committed to believing the best in individuals and allowing that trust to be the foundation of our relationship or partnership. This is especially meaningful in the trauma work that I do, and not always being able to make sense of what a trauma survivor is telling me. I don't need to know figure out all the details to assume that what they're telling me is true.

Talking to strangers if very informative on spying across America. It gives great insight to facial recognition. The books brings awareness to things that I had no idea were a thing. It makes you aware thier are monstourous people out there and to keep your family and children close

I enjoy Mr. Gladwell's perspectives, and this book is just as interesting as his others. It provides an understanding of the difficulties humans have in interpreting facial movements and other behaviors. A good primer on how we all need to learn to 'read' and understand one another.

Anyone who has read one of Malcolm Gladwell's books in the past, will appreciate his approach to this topic: "Talking to Strangers". And readers should be warned, he uses some very strong examples to make his point. From Sandra Bland's arrest and then death in Texas in 2015, to the Larry Nassar abuse of his gymnastic patients; Malcolm wants to have a tough conversation. And of course it's more than those cases; it's all of us, everyday, talking to strangers. Taking into account (mostly unconsciously) what we think about them, and deciding who they are. Often in a split second, and not uncommonly, with some consequence. The reader will see the cases put forth in an effort to demonstrate two questions: - "Why can't we tell when the stranger in front of us in lying to our face" (or telling the truth)? - "How is it that meeting a stranger can sometime make us worse at making sense of that person than not meeting them?" I'm hopefully more aware of my tendencies, preferences, roles I assign myself (and others, and where I am prejudiced (by timing, places, looks, anything). I recommend this book for anyone that deals with the public and needs to make a difference in how that communication creates an outcome.

Fascinating and easy to read. The book makes you think. We read it aloud with our teenage kids and had interesting discussions about how we make judgements about people.

It helps with perspective. Overall a good read.

This book is interesting, but his ultimate conclusions are somewhat oversimplified. There are salient questions that he doesn't ask that might make his conclusions more of a gray area. But that's the nature of this type of book. The author needs the example to support his conclusions or he wouldn't have a thesis. However, it does cover a lot of interesting territory, raises some good questions, and is worth the read.

I really enjoyed this book! I am a fan of Gladwell's work and this book did not disappoint.

I found Talking to Strangers to be very interesting. It dispelled some myths I believed in and that I was even trained in and taught such as in reading micro facial expressions to understand others' hidden motivation. I highly recommend this book to anyone with an open mind and interest in fully communicating with and understanding others before drawing assumptions.

This is a tough yet fascinating read. How do we talk to folks we don't know? How do we create connections? How can we facilitate these conversations?

Another hit for MG. GREAT perspectives to be had here. I read one page (ish) at a time and digest it for the day - content is rich and needs reflection.

Sadly the book was never received. I sent an email with no response. I purchased the book.

The book wasn't quite what I thought it would be about -- specifically, talking to people I'm unfamiliar with. I'd say it's more about understanding our biases. I got a lot out of this though. Gladwell shared a theory that we often "default to truth", which in short means most people believe the best of someone, or believe people are acting in good faith most of the time. Since listening to this book, I've been more aware of when people "default to truth" and when they do the opposite, by not giving others the benefit of the doubt or having a certain level of faith in another person. Sometimes it's because person one has been burned before by believing in person two or someone like person two. Sometimes person one is just a natural sceptic. In any case, I've noticed that when someone doesn't" default to truth" this is often when conflict can arise. Gladwell also gave some examples of when not "defaulting to truth" was an advantage, such as in the people that could see Bernie Madoff for his true colors before others did. All in all, a very good set of lessons, but a little long.

This book is extremely hard to review. The separate chapters focusing on stories of people and their lives and how others viewed and processed their actions was compelling and disturbing. The stories well researched, interesting, delivered in an informative way, were all very different but shared the same problems of us humans battling truth and communication. I enjoyed reading the book, shared it with a book club, had a great discussion but still not sure it aided my skills of talking to strangers. It was a head scratcher on just how hard it is to communicate and come to the “truth”. The book questioned our ability to be confident that our feelings and decisions about others is not colored by bias and our personalities pretty much all the time.

I loved the blend of storytelling/vignettes of popular culture and events, alongside statistical data, to reflect back how assumptions and biases creep into everyday interactions. Such a good read!

I've read several books by this author, but this one didn't impress me much. Some of the illustrative stories are neither evocative nor compelling to the point the author attempts to make: people are unable to tell whether a stranger is trustworthy.

Gladwell makes a very strong case for why we must, and naturally will, continue to default to believing that people with whom we communicate are truthful. He clearly demonstrates that , while there are nefarious people who will intentionally lie--some with nationally disastrous consequences--our relatively peaceful society could not exist if our default was to mostly distrust/disbelieve each other.

Gladwell is always a good read. I enjoyed the information and explanation of how important it is to be able to communicate.

I enjoyed this book more than I thought I would. It gives insight, and I think it is especially important given skills we need after the virus has distanced us in so many ways. A must read.

Malcolm Gladwell presents a compelling review of interactions that we often take for granted. Easy to read, this book will help you understand interactions and cause you to think about the forces that have brought each person to the position they are currently in.

Like all of Gladwell's books, the anecdotes, history and background information were compelling and interesting. As a thesis, I don't think there was a solid hypothesis on the elements that go into how we interact with strangers, but it was a solid jumping off point to consider other ideas of psychology, criminology and communication.

This book was written in an easy to read style, and had a lot of thought provoking ideas in form of stories. The stories were true and right out of the headlines, showing how bad people are at determining the truth about people-what they say, how they say it, and what their motives are. The stories tell of times people should have been suspicious of a person and weren't, and other times people explained weird behavior by assigning nefarious motives with no real evidence. There is an interesting section on alcohol and how it affects behavior, which presented a new slant. There was an interesting idea of coupling, where the behavior is coupled with the place, something I hadn't thought of before. These ideas can make a difference in the policies that cities and towns implement, and possibly be a solution to some of our most pressing issues right now. I enjoyed this book more than I thought I would, and it started a few good conversations with some people in my family.

Interesting book but not at all what I was expecting. I was expecting it to be a self-help book with strategies on how to communicate better with strangers. However, the book is actually a long, thorough analysis of various criminal cases and historical examples to prove the thesis that we as people have 3 flawed fundamental assumptions about strangers that impede our communication and understanding of them. Overall, Gladwell tells you what NOT to do more than what TO DO when dealing with strangers, and I would hardly call it a "guidebook," as is written about it in the inner flap summary. I learned a good deal of interesting information on somewhat disconnected topics, such as the effects of alcohol, various psychological and anthropological studies, and the modern tactics of American policing, which I gladly will add to my arsenal of knowledge about the world, but I don't feel that I actually learned how to talk to strangers more effectively. For that reason I give it 4-stars: It contains a wealth of well-written and well-researched information and analysis, but ultimately does not deliver on its promise of helping the reader on the title topic. (Also, IMPORTANT NOTE: the cases discussed are cases of rape, murder, torture, and suicide. Do not read this book if you have a light tolerance for such topics.)

Very insightful. It gave me a new perspective on many things in my own personal life.

The book caught my attention because I wanted to learn more about how we can be fooled by people. I was not anticipating the numerous collection of case studies where deception was deep. I am a sensitive kind of person, not the kind that can read about ghastly crimes and move on to the next one in a sitting. I get the point of the book and I learned from that but it's not for those that don't like reading details about all kinds of deceptions with in depth details.

Interesting perspective but a little hard to get in to.

I have to start by admitting I assumed Talking to Strangers was about strategies to better talk to strangers. As a community builder this struck me as a fascinating topic for the gifted author, Malcolm Gladwell, to take on. Unfortunately, this is not what the book is about. The book is about how people think they are smarter and better than they are and are constantly being misled and betrayed as a result. I understand the premise, but it is not a topic I would have knowingly chosen for myself. The author wants you to understand that people are constantly lying to you and you are predisposed to believe they are always telling the truth. This may be true, but it's just not helpful to me and how I choose to live my life or do my work. Malcolm Gladwell has written some great books like Tipping Point and Blink. I would recommend you read those.

As with all his works Malcolm Gladwell presents a thoughtful look at engaging with strangers. While I'm partial to his Blink offering this work is still very good. Recommended, but somewhat dense reading.

The concept of defaulting to truth is one of the biggest take aways from this book. We tend to default to the fact that everyone is telling the truth instead of going through life untrusting and bombarding folks with questions and mistrust.

It was a very easy read but as usual, he stretches a minor philosophical point way out of proportion and gives far too much leeway to the malfeasance of government actors. Meh out of five stars.

Chapter One deals with not knowing how to talk to strangers. This was illustrated by reviewing police encounters with citizens that escalated into serious and disastrous results for both sides. Malcolm Gladwell's observations concerning studies of various types of criminal cases and social clinical experiments were well outlined. His thoughts on misconceptions and errors of judgement and deviousness of individuals such as Hitler, Madoff, Sandusky, and others highlighted the problem of trustworthiness by the public. Skepticism should prevail concerning the truthfulness of others, be they relatives, friends, strangers, or media employees. "Our strategies for dealing with strangers is deeply flawed," he states. He also stated that facial expressions have no validity of truthfulness or guilt. The chapter on excess consumption of alcoholic drinks is illustrated by cases of blackouts and non-consensual sex. The book is a well-written thesis from a skeptic's point of view of the current American society. I would highly recommend this book. Thank you for sending it to me. I will pass it on to others.

I rated 5 stars because I’m a data person. Some of the information was already familiar to me due to my background, which enhanced my experience with this book. If you like true crime podcasts, you will probably enjoy this book, too. If you are interested in intersectionality (a term I first learned via Kimberly Crenshaw’s TedTalk), you will probably notice how anthropology, policing, psychology (trauma), and literature hold space in in overlapping realms regarding communication skills, or lack there of. However, this book is not void of passion-on the contrary-it was born of passion and backed up with evidence. There is some reading between the lines, at least for me, in unpacking the investigation of Sandra Bland’s death. My tip is that while listening to the police officer interview consider his statements to be a product of careful coaching by his union rep rather than a earnest response to his role in Bland’s death.

Talking to Strangers is an interesting book that looks at the way we interpret others, particularly people we do not know, in order to assess their intentions. Non-verbal body language in alignment with many different factors covered. This is an easy read with references to pop-culture and well known research. I enjoyed this book.

Malcolm Gladwell's 'Talking to Strangers' left me wondering what's next? How do we resolve or find a middle ground instead of the default to truth behavior and abandoning trust altogether? I felt hopeless after reading the book with little belief in change or a solution. Yet, since finishing the book, I have had 3 major discussions around the book, sharing the bits and pieces that stuck with me the most. Perhaps that is the solution, the conversations that arise out of discussing the book. Would I recommend this book to others, yes, of course! I never heard many situations in the book, and my worldview was opened because of it.

Great read!!! I can definitely reflect on times where default to truth has served me well and times that it has resulted in mess that needed to be cleaned up. The same is true for default to deception. Interestingly enough, I find myself jumping between these two quite often as my instincts kick in to say "is this really possible?" The examples Gladwell dissects are timely and insightful- gives me much food for thought about current events and a new lens to look through.

In his usual engaging, thoughtful prose, Malcolm Gladwell finds another riveting topic that most authors ignore. As the title suggests, this book is about talking to strangers, but it's about much more that. It's about the assumptions we make about people we don't know -- and those assumptions aren't really about those people at all, but rather about our efforts to make sense of an unfamiliar world. We default to assuming people are operating out of truth and transparency, which is accurate in many cases but causes us to have blind spots that can have enormous consequences in some cases. In addition, we assume that there are simplistic reasons for people's behavior, a kind of causal relationship of nature/character with outcomes, but we miss one of the most important factors: Context. That context has as much to do with place or setting as it does the influence of other people. Like always, Gladwell's writing not only makes you smarter, but forces you to broaden your intellectual horizons by considering something you've probably never thought of before. Now that's a conversation with a stranger that's worth having.

Malcom Gladwell again has written a book that made me think. This time, using some high-profile cases of interactions gone awry, he delves into the ways we are wired to respond and react to the strangers around us, and how those reactions (and they way they often miss the mark) influence the work and practices of judges, police, the military-particularly those who try to get information from others under duress, administrators and colleagues, and anyone, really, who encounters someone they don't know, and without thinking about it, makes assumptions about how others should behave in certain contexts, and offers judgement when they don't conform. It is a reminder how incredibly complex humans are, and how high the costs can be to those who get caught up in the rigidity of norms and assumptions. A particularly compelling quote for me, was how aggressive policing policies involving searches triggered purposefully by minor-even trivial traffic violations, turned up "bad apples" in only 17 of 400,000 instances. Gladwell asks, "Is it really worth stigmatizing and alienating 399,983 Mikes and Sandras in order to find 17 bad apples?" In our global world, we are surrounded by strangers. We need to be aware of our biases and how they color our interactions.

Very helpful in created a framework with which to have conversations.

I liked this book, and was almost convinced by Mr. Gladwell's theory about "coupling". The stories of Chamberlain and Hitler, Bernie Madoff, etc., were told with a new perspective.

A more difficult read than expected. Left with the feeling the author poses questions without enough answers.

This book is AMAZING. I adore Malcolm Gladwell, and this is his best yet. It's a fascinating read with interesting implications for making changes in our communities and truly knowing the people around us.

Very interesting read. The author gives real stories and connection to his theories of how we view others. I found many discussions that made me think differently and a reminder about connecting with others especially those we don't know.

His writing is fascinating and thought-provoking, as always. Such a good read!

This is a fascinating book, makes you think in new ways and question everything you thought you knew before. Gladwell has become rather politicized in the last few years but this is just gold.

Amazing true stories and topics help illustrate the need to listen and evaluate when meeting new people; to try and understand their true intentions and feelings... very interesting.

Amazing Book. Very insightful and a great read all around.

I chose this book, because of the author. I had read The Tipping Point and really enjoyed it. This had many of the same elements of from previous Gladwell books, including bringing together many interesting research studies. # I found this book strange in that it is dealing with several “dark” topics (undetected spies, pedophiles, sociopaths, police stops). It makes the book a bit unsettling, and it leaves without an easy or comfortable resolution. This is compounded by a rambling narrative. # I had hoped that this would provide advice on how to deal with strangers, maybe providing some insight on cross cultural communication. I would rather have wanted three more detailed books. One book on community policing, one book on interrogating spies, and one book on sexual assaults. I am not sure of any group that I would recommend this to.

Amazing read. Very eye opening to. Gladwell always has a fresh perspective on life.

This book is a must read! It is thought provoking and a fast read. If you like other books by Gladwell, you'll enjoy this.